Under The Gun

I've been listening to The Killers quite a lot lately. Got an idea for a musical... If only I could write music. Not up to much. Still sick [massive headache right now and still coughing loads], rehearsal every Sunday is ... stressful. It's like... hard to explain, but lots going on there. Hairspray also isn't exactly the musical I'd choose to have stuck in my head all the time. Whatever.
Not much to report on. Not really writing anything right now. Kind of inspired, but when you feel sick writing isn't exactly first on the to-do list. Soup is. Mmm. I'm barely sick, but I'm sick. And I feel awful today. I don't know why. Leaving tomorrow for cold country. SNOW! I'm excited, but I kinda want to just stay home at the same time. I guess being miserable in the snow is better than in the 70-something gross weather.
Sorry for a boring update.
~ED

Quirkiness.

I had some spark of the moment thing to say here, but I forgot it.
Happy Bloody Xmas. I feel like crap.

Schooling

I watched the movie Good Will Hunting the other day, when I was home sick. Good movie. Reminded me of the song by Ludo. So, that's just a random tidbit of my life that I'll throw out there.
The only thing I've been able to think of for the past week is that 'what if...?' about going to high school, and the one I chose. There are 3 major private schools [whole life, don't hate!] in my area. My brothers each went to two of them. I didn't apply for one of them, because it's an academically heavy school, and you have to be, like, a straight A student, which I definitely wasn't in middle school nor am I now. I am going to the school the second brother went to. My mom loves it, because he graduated right when I did middle school, so it's her 6th year doing volunteer stuff here. I applied to some other schools across town, you know- just in case, or whatever.
I did not apply to the 3rd school. The three schools live in a huge rivalry triangle, so both of my brothers would have killed me, and there was no reason for me to go there, anyway. The thing is, all I can think about is how much better my life would be if I were at that school. I really don't like more than half of my teachers, because they just don't teach. My english teacher spent an HOUR of class time this past Tuesday [block classes, 1hr and 15min classes] telling stories from his life. That's really interesting, dude, but I DON'T CARE. I'm there to learn about grammar and vocabulary and literature, not your life. He's a cool guy, but he doesn't teach. He also has no control over the students in that class [15-16 year olds are not exactly the most mature people on the planet]. It's awful, and I've heard stories about higher classes' teachers being the same as my english one. My junior friend's history teacher lets them leave classes whenever they want to, and does the same with telling life stories. I don't exactly put forth a lot of effort into work, not as much as I should, anyway, but I like learning. Exploring old wars, learning how to integrate more sophisticated vocabulary, so as to distinguish my writing from that of a middle schooler. I enjoy knowing things. So, all I can think about right now, is all that I've heard about my friends at the 3rd school. All 3 people I've talked to about it love it there. Nobody really 'loves' their high school experience, so it seems. They're like 'Glad I'm not in high school anymore' or whatever. My friends from School 3 seem really passionate when they tell me that it's a great school. I really want to explore this as an option, and the first deadline for application stuff is in about a month.
So...
How the hell do I tell my parents??
~ED

Randomlings.

So I'm home from school today. I feel like the rain clouds outside are all secretly in my sinuses or something, because I feel awful. Not even the adorable image of my two cats can make me feel better, though how cool would it be if it could? It's like, "This woman is sick! GET HER TO THE CATS!"
Yeah, I'm probably not in my right mind right now. I lost a lot of sleep because of some intense thunder/lightning around 2. I went to bed at like 10, and was awake from 2-3 and woke up at 9.30. So, I didn't really lose that much sleep, but it feels like I did. I also just feel really weak. And awful. Sorry if this turns into a self-pity rant.
Um, I'll just attach a poem, and then feel slightly accomplished. That works.

Show Your Cards
Written 22 October, edited 26 October

You know.
Everything I hid
And kept inside,
You know it all.

I write,
By the fire
And feel extremely
Peaceful.

My frustration
And confusion
Rise with the smoke,
And disappear.

But I still
Want to know
Everything.

It's only fair,
Right?
Equivalent trade.

I hope you think so
I'm handing you
My emotions

Please be careful.

Sorry if this was pointless, but hey, it's a blog! >.< I sound so stupid.
~ED

Spiders and Art.

Um, I got bit by a spider. And I have to go the the doctor. I have a band [school band] concert tomorrow. Um, I have the biggest drama ever with a boy right now, although it's not really that big, I just feel it is, and I feel like the guy I like will never speak to me again.
That about sums up last week. I'll expand on this later, and add in some fiction writing if I feel like it. Or some poetry. Who knows. I just felt bad for not updating this in a while. Sorry!!
~ED

To, Too, Two.

"I can't outrun the terrible things I have done." -The Hoosiers, 'Sarajevo'
I just thought that the quote might be insightful. So earlier my friend Kenzie asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I've been thinking about this quite a lot lately, actually, and I think an editor would be nice, since I probably wouldn't be able to be a writer. I'd be another wanna be story. Move to a big city, work two jobs, and then write with my free time, hoping to make it. Being an editor would be reading and correcting grammar all day, something I can quite easily do. The only thing would be rising to the level. I don't know too much about the process, but I do know that you don't just magically have a fancy office right out of college. I know I'll need to do a lot of research before then. Damn.
Today is more of a chill blog. It's Thursday, and I have a semi-busy weekend planned [I think], so I probably won't be doing too much writing. Not sure.
Have a good friday!!
~ED

Opening.

So, I want to begin this by saying that this is not a blog meant for reading more than it is for me to vent through writing. I do home some peoples out there can relate to/enjoy my ramblings, but I'm not promising anything with this thing.
-Just throwing that one out there.-
Here's a poem I wrote about a week ago about that guy. You know who I'm talking about. The guy? Yeah, him.

Admitting Defeat.

27 September, 2010


Is it so cliché to tell you,
That the first time I saw you,
I thought you were beautiful?

And, would you be worried,
If you understood
How weak you make me feel?

I can tell you your birthday,
The day we met,
What you were wearing on that day,
And I could probably figure out
How many times I've seen you since then.

Is that frightening to you?

If only I knew how you feel,
And what you think.

Do you see the world
In the beautiful way that I do?
Do the clouds mystify you?
And are you consumed by fire's
Living properties?

Can I trust you to keep a secret?

Can I trust you to know,
That with all my downfalls,
With everything you've coached me through,
I seem to have fallen?

Trust me,
I know that you get this all the time.
And, I'm not trying to say that I'm special.

I just wanted to you know,
Because there's no way in hell
I could tell you in person,
Just how wonderful you are,
And how amazing you make me feel.

-
Yeah, sorry this one post was on the boring side, I've had a crummy Monday. Enjoy?
~ED